Tuesday, 31 October 2017

on sexual frustration and loneliness

(well this is going to make me sound like a saddo, but here goes lol)

On Sexual Frustration and Loneliness

I'm gonna do something I've never done on here, and talk about sex.

I'm not going to write an essay because I've forgotten how to do those which is ironic as the next couple years of my life will literally be dedicated to them, but I'll just mention it briefly, and keep it comical, (hense cartoons), because let's be honest: the topic can be kinda jokes. 
Idk, I've just been thinking about the pressure - whether in a relationship or not - to be sexually active? And to be having all of these experiences? First of all, where? and second, when? Who knows? Not me. 

Although the idea of "virginity" is still very much stigmatised, and slut-shaming is alive and well, sometimes I feel like the tables shift from time to time, and it's almost becoming strange or a cause of concern/interest/mockery if you've not had any sexual experience yet, or not currently having it, or don't plan to. This is probably because I'm well into to the age when my friends and I are 'acceptable' sexual beings: we're adults and are aware and mature, thus making sexual relationships reasonable things to be on the table right now. But that's not to say that all of us are meeting the people to pursue this, (relationship or fling), or are ready for it,  or even want it. But I'm definitely feeling the "girl you're missing out!" kind of pressure and it's both hilarious and annoying. My reactions are usually a mix between:

And sexual frustration, although normal, is gross and cringy lol - because it's a mix of FOMO, hormones and a bunch of other individual things. It seems really personal and weird to admit and I have no idea why I'm writing a blog post about it, but I'm all about normalising the discourse and being open and casual about it tbh.

As a woman I am a victim of a society that qualifies sex with worth and status, horrendously commodifies my body and shuns it at the same time. It's sometimes hard not to have a weird relationship with the idea of sex, especially because of the internalised misogyny that I realise I adopt from time to time and have to check myself for. Sexual activity is also known to be a stress reliever, so starting university and being on my ones has amplified new types of stress, and the window is always open for thinking about ways to relieve that! Where is the lie?

But yeah! That's about it really. Loneliness has also been a big part of life at the moment, what-with moving to university after basically sharing a life with a twin, a group of friends, home and familiarity. It's hard not to be engulfed by an uncomfortable kind of solitude when you're thrown into this weird deep-end of 'life' and pre-mature adulthood. But I guess the silver lining exists through the acceptance and comfort within solitude - loving yourself and being comfortable with being alone! It can be a really beautiful thing.

Right, enough of all that. I've recently started banging out Eryka Badu's But You Caint Use My Phone mixtape, which came out in 2015. I am so obsessed, particularly with U Don't Have To Call, What's Yo Phone Number / Telephone and I'll Call U Back. - They are all such tunes! Listen to the full mixtape on youtube here. 

So, I hope this gave you food for thought! It was kind of just a mini-rant to be honest. 
Oh yeah, and Happy Halloween, kids! What are everyone's plans? Whatever they are, I hope y'all have a spooky ass time.

~peace out~ and see you in the next post!!! Zoe xo