Tuesday, 30 May 2017

starting your own shit (and taking no shit)

*wipes dust off this blog*

Hell000 w0rlddd, I feel like I haven't been here in a while even though it's only been a month? Been so lazy and tired and stressed (as a 21st century adolescent that's nothing new) and blogger has been haunting me. What to post! I don't know! I hope everyone has been good, enjoying the weather and not dying over the monstrous stress that the months of April, May, June and July often bring. 

2017 is going pretty fast isn't it? I wouldn't know tbh. All the good stuff this year has brought has been disguised by school work and uni anticipation/fear. But good stuff nonetheless are happening and I can't wait to be able to enjoy them properly!!!

sO, my arts and literary zine - called sweet-thang - that celebrates work by black women/femmes will be available to buy on the 1ST OF JUNE! It's been stressful but incredibly exciting. Creating your own publication at a time where there seems to be a creative/diy/internet revival upsurge kinda thing is quite amazing, and platforms like Instagram have really helped to kick start things and discover both new people and new places. It's a brilliant time to be 'making things' despite the havoc going on in the world. If you're a person who wants to create something - now is the time to do it. One of my favourite mantras are "show more, create more and care less" because I think it's advice that not just young creatives, but just young people in general should aim to live by. We are the future, and what will the future be if we ain't creatin' shit??? 

With regards to this topic, I have to talk about STRIKE! - I mentioned this independent publication a few posts ago, but not in detail. STRIKE! is print magazine dedicated to themes of resistance, politics, creative expression, subversion and solidarity. I can hand-on-heart say that it has been the ultimate highlight of 2017 to have discovered this platform. It features many articles by writers talking about sexism, intersectionality, religion, gender theory, racism, anarchism, cultural/social theory and so much more that I can't even explain because I've got so much more to learn. It's been an amazing learning experience reading STRIKE! - it has taught me so much about myself and the type of politics I agree/disagree with etc. I've scanned a couple of pages from some of the 2016 issues I've purchased - issues13/15/17 (recommend that you buy and support because regrets will be non-existent)

This article was so interesting. Thinking about the traumas and experiences that are passed through and exist within generations, and the bodies that we connect with throughout our lifetime. I particularly liked these sentences: 

"As a child of the diaspora, born into colonial lands, taught in imperialist knowledge and tongue and fed by patriarchal, capitalist ideology, I grew up malnourished and sickly." 


"Was I born feeling the past traumas of my kin, not only the burns I feel in the present pervasive racist imperialist societies of the 21st century, but history's echoes within my own body? In this moment of reflection I consider that the most fundamental process of decolonisation must come from the reclamation and rewriting of my DNA."

(article written by Ria Hartely)

This article lowkey gave me life, and really challenged the way I viewed religion itself, because while it can be a form of perpetuating prejudice and oppression, is still an integrative force that accounts for the identity of many people, especially minority ethnic groups. This article talked about the atmosphere of exclusion in both right and left wing mainstream institutions that alienate Muslim identities. 

"Often Lefty circles are dominated by Manarchists and Dawkins-bros in a way that is toxic; people who do not respect your faith or autonomy and will definitively declare what The Left's opinions should be on Muslim people (especially women) without actually asking a single one. Yes, we get it, you've read The God Delusion and you're wearing a 'No Gods No Masters' t-shirt, but sit the fuck down mate. These ideas are alienating people of colour and people of faith at a time when it's more important than ever to create spaces and discourse within our politics and circles that are inclusive and supportive of those very groups." (written by Soofiya Andry)


That's STRIKE! for ya. (all credits go to them and their writers) - It's such an important time to be learning about these sort of things, reading intersectionally and away from the bias of mainstream media. What a time to be alive. 

ANYWAYS, here's a classic mood-board since pics r worth 1000 words + plus some old/new tunes that I've been banging out. (SPOILER ALERT KALI UCHIS'S NEW SONG)  

(all pics found on Tumblr)

(don't wanna brag but I'm going to see her perform next month lol yayaya :''0) 

I'd love to hear your opinions on the themes raised in STRIKE! I hope that wherever you are in life things are progressing, growing and blossoming. sending luv across the globe. 
Hope you enjoyed this post, ~peace out~ and see you in the next one! Zoe xo 

Saturday, 29 April 2017

crushin' on u, (a playlist) (a feeling)

beats for the heart. Listen on my 8tracks here! I'm not crushing on anyone at the moment, (or am i??) but I have this crushing feeling and it's not going away. It's like I'm crushing on air. On life. On life's potential. Maybe summer? I'm crushing on all of the things I'm going to do, the people I'm going to meet, "what is to come." Maybe I'm in love with the feeling I know I'll get when I finish my last exam. That's actually such a turn on. I'm a stressed mess and I would never recommend A-levels to anyone btw!!! 

One of the artists you'll see on this playlist is Biig Piig. She's an upcoming, quite underground artist that I saw through people on Instagram, and I really like her sound. So soothing, jive-y and mellow. I really like her aesthetic as well. Here's a couple of screenshots from her video "crush'n" - which basically inspired this feeling and playlist. 

(all creds to her, find video here

I'm going to a really cool event tomorrow so there'll be a blog post coming soon, and I definitely want to get into doing random photography projects as the weather gets more beautiful! In the midst of all of the horrible and uncertain stuff going on in the world, I feel like I'm still sticking to things on my '2017 vision board' - like:

I have stepped out of my comfort zone a lot this year, all as a result of me saying 'yes' I suppose. I guess in a way it has made me a more confident, easily adaptable person. I would call myself an extrovert, but it takes a lot of self-motivation to get to that stage. I'm actually pretty shy. My lack of confidence in certain situations is one of my insecurities - but it always vanishes once I've given something a go and realised that it wasn't half as bad as I expected. It feels good to over come something like that, and I think everyone should aspire to come out of themselves sometimes! Try new things. It helps you to breathe more easily once it's over. Because when the next thing is thrown at you, you walk in there thinking you've done it before and can therefore do it again. 

hope you like the playlist!! Let me know which one you like best! (kali uchis is always a classic. I think she's been on every playlist i've ever made on this blog lmao) 
~peace out~ and c u next time lovelies! Zoe xo 

Sunday, 23 April 2017

this diary belongs to a regulation hottie

hi everyone. I was feeling pissed off an hour ago so the bitterness is slowly fizzling out as I type this. Hopefully by the end I'll feel euphoric again. ANYWAYS!

Yesterday I turned the bittersweet age of 18. 

I don't know what I feel but it's not really excitement. It's more fear if I'm honest. I'm trying not to think too much about the fact that from now on I am legally an adult. I feel like shutting my eyes and hibernating until the world isn't shit anymore and I can easily navigate my way to some kind of purpose in life. Wow that's dramatic - I'm tired and mildly hungover and sick of rubbish human beings. My day was great though. I ate 'till my hearts content, drank 'till I was happy and walking wobbly and danced 'till I engrained the floor with the manic indents of my buffalo boots.

The day before my birthday I decided to write 18 mini ramblings/streams of consciousness/letters to my 18 year-old-self. The purpose they serve I have no idea. Maybe I'll look back with fondness in the future. Here they are.
(I started writing this diary entry at 22:38)

letter one:

Hey you!
Think fast!
I just hit you with LIFE.
Quickly, pick it up!
Grab it with both hands, run!

letter two:

You're currently a seventeen-year-old on the eve of your birthday. You're tired as hell (not like you've been doing much), and you're excitedly stressed about your birthday party. You're hoping your period won't come tomorrow. That would be peak. 

letter  three

Being  18 sucks  and I'm not even 18 yet. 
I don't want to  have to pay for dental treatment? Wtf!

letter four 

You've come such a long way. The person you are today is unimaginable
to your past self, and you dreamed A LOT back in the day.

letter five 

Dear 18-year-old Zoe,
This time tomorrow you will be DRUNK.
I hope you don't suffer a bad hangover. Fingers-crossed. (UPDATE: I DIDN'T)

letter six 

Do dreamers ever wake up? 
Wouldn't that defeat the object? (what a weird phrase that is!) anyway.
It would be sad if dreamers woke up sometimes, but I just realised how melancholy it would be spend your whole life dreaming. 
Don't dream too much in your "adult" years Zoe. Sometimes you gotta wake up. (or is that too 'realist' and not 'optimistic' enough?)

letter seven 

The twenty-second of April, nineteen-ninty-nine. Nine-twenty-four AM. 
Purity. Birth.  
Hello world!  What mess am I gonna make out of this?

letter eight

Fuck, think I'm pushing it here with this '18 letters' thing. 
My imagination ran out after the first three.

letter nine

QUIZ TIME.  "7" Is  this the:
a) number of people you have made out with 
b) your favourite number minus three
c) the age  you found yourself 
d) the minimum number of shots you intend to take tomorrow

letter ten

Dear 18-year-old Zoe,
Don't do something stupid. 
Stay away from foreseen regret.
I trust you. 

letter eleven 

To be honest, may the odds actually be ever in your favour. (I'm not even a hunger games fan but I just had a *hits blunt* moment)

letter twelve

Be proud of yourself. 
You've done a shit load of stuff during your 'childhood' and 'adolescence.'
Been to some amazing places. Seen things of divinity, felt things of sublimity. 
On a serious note, you are very lucky.

letter thirteen 

Remember that time you had too many weed brownies and the devil tried to rip your heart out of your knee caps? Me too. But you're okay now right? lmao

letter fourteen

Four more to go. Let's see.
Sleeping is one of the most beautiful things we do. We just lie down on these platforms when we're tired, close our  eyes and create funny/sad/disturbing and frightful images in our heads until we open our eyes again. How cute! Make sure you get enough sleep during your 18th year. You've survived your whole life without bags under your eyes. Let's not start now yeah?

letter fifteen

Shit, my diary is running out of space. Look back on this with fondness. 
These are the ins and outs. The '411s'. The borings and the randoms. THIS IS YOUR LIFE.
Should you show this to your children? You'd probably have to have a talk with them first. 

letter sixteen

Was gonna get all serious then thought I better not. I'm tired and don't articulate well when I'm tired. I've been writing for twenty minutes. 

letter seventeen

Almost there. These are really just ramblings. 
Try not to ramble too much in your 18th year Zoe. Your life is at stake here.

letter eighteen

Fina-fucking-lly. I guess if I had to give you some words of wisdom, this would be it:
  1. Talk less, do more
  2. Stretch, close your eyes and breathe more
  3. Don't be afraid to cry (not that you ever are)
  4. Don't be afraid not to work when you know you're too tired 
  5. Never drink too much
  6. Be kind to yourself and confident about yourself. Be nice to others. 
  8. Care less
  9. Know when you need to relax and know when you need to WORK
  10. Get some sleep

so. I guess I have to just get on with it now? Ha! I don't feel grown up. I feel forced to grow and take responsibility, but my inner self is shyly slipping out of this adult skin, trying to get away. I hope everyone's doing well. Look at my musing for this month!! In this time we need to just push forward. Here's a lil mood board to show my recent moods/feelings. Kinda festive + funky, but something melancholy and introspective. I wonder if i've changed in a years time. here's me talking about being 17. Life is so weird. 

 Hope you enjoyed reading this! ~peace out~ and c u in the next post! (hopefully it won't be as long a wait as this one ://) Zoe xo
P.S the title of this post is taken from what's written over the front of my personal diary. obvs taken from Mean Girls. love that movie

Friday, 3 March 2017

, perpetually.

This post is long overdue. I've been so busy, life is a blur. 

First of all can we just appreciate the beauty of the first few sentences of Virginia Woolf's The Waves

"The sun had not yet risen. The sea was indistinguishable from the sky, except that the sea was slightly creased as if a cloth had wrinkles in it. Gradually as the sky whitened a dark line lay on the horizon dividing the sea from the sky and the grey cloth became barred with thick strokes moving, one after another, beneath the surface, following each other, pursuing each other, perpetually."

Isn't that such a beautiful opening to a novel? It came up in an English lesson recently and now it's next on my list to read (which is becoming borderline long.) I need to read more though. Can someone snatch some time out of the universe and hand it to me? That'd be great.

Anyways, early on in Feb, I went to this:

BLOOM is a short coming-of-age film centred around four teenage girls, and the exhibition is a collection of art pieces created by loads of female creatives around the world in response to the film. It was such a creative, blossoming and beautiful evening - amazing, funky and sensual art, great music and a zine stall from which I purchased STRIKE! magazine. These are photographs from the night! My camera wasn't that great so the photos either turned out too dark or too bright, but yeah - amazing!!!

I purchased issue 15 and  issue 17  of STRIKE! I've read most of the articles in issue 15 and I am gobsmacked. It is so incredibly informative and interesting reading about cultural and social theory in relation to racism, sexism, intersectional feminism - I feel so inspired and ready to revolt if I'm honest! One phrase that really stuck with me was "DECOLONISE YOUR MIND." Quite a radical thing to envision, but extremely strong in its message. What if we did, little by little, learn to unlearn? Acknowledge that our world is by design? What if we could all decolonise our minds and reconstruct, over time, global history? (it even sounds impossible.) But yeah, something to think about. I would 1000/10 recommend that you buy it!

ALSO I'm in love with Steve Lacy and I dunno what to do about it. :/ 
His new EP Steve Lacy's Demo is all I've been listening to and day by day my heart just continues to melt. :/ Listen to the full thing here. :/ "RYD" and "DARK RED" are my favourites. :/ :/ :/ heart = melted. 

Matt Martins, another member of The Internet, released his album recently as well, called The Drum Chord Theory and my fave so far is "Diamond in Da Ruff", produced by both him and *wink wink* Steve Lacy  (ignore me I'm a mess.) 
Check out the song here!

If you follow me on instagram, then you probably would have seen that I'm in the middle of creating a ZINE called sweet-thang, and it's an arts and literary zine for & by black women + femmes! The deadline for submitting to the first issue Power / Roots / Beginnings has just passed and it almost brings a tear to my eye how much support it has received!!! My email is overflowing with beauty and I'm scared - because it means that I have to put it together! I'm so frikin' excited though. It is going to be beautiful. Keep yer eyes peeled!!! 


I hope everyone is doing well. Look at my March musing - "DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN A BOX!" Stay cool, keep grinning, ~peace out~ and c u in the next post! Zoe xo