Yesterday I turned the bittersweet age of 18.
I don't know what I feel but it's not really excitement. It's more fear if I'm honest. I'm trying not to think too much about the fact that from now on I am legally an adult. I feel like shutting my eyes and hibernating until the world isn't shit anymore and I can easily navigate my way to some kind of purpose in life. Wow that's dramatic - I'm tired and mildly hungover and sick of rubbish human beings. My day was great though. I ate 'till my hearts content, drank 'till I was happy and walking wobbly and danced 'till I engrained the floor with the manic indents of my buffalo boots.
The day before my birthday I decided to write 18 mini ramblings/streams of consciousness/letters to my 18 year-old-self. The purpose they serve I have no idea. Maybe I'll look back with fondness in the future. Here they are.
(I started writing this diary entry at 22:38)
I just hit you with LIFE.
Quickly, pick it up!
Grab it with both hands, run!
You're currently a seventeen-year-old on the eve of your birthday. You're tired as hell (not like you've been doing much), and you're excitedly stressed about your birthday party. You're hoping your period won't come tomorrow. That would be peak.
Being 18 sucks and I'm not even 18 yet.
I don't want to have to pay for dental treatment? Wtf!
You've come such a long way. The person you are today is unimaginable
to your past self, and you dreamed A LOT back in the day.
Dear 18-year-old Zoe,
This time tomorrow you will be DRUNK.
I hope you don't suffer a bad hangover. Fingers-crossed. (UPDATE: I DIDN'T)
Do dreamers ever wake up?
Wouldn't that defeat the object? (what a weird phrase that is!) anyway.
It would be sad if dreamers woke up sometimes, but I just realised how melancholy it would be spend your whole life dreaming.
Don't dream too much in your "adult" years Zoe. Sometimes you gotta wake up. (or is that too 'realist' and not 'optimistic' enough?)
The twenty-second of April, nineteen-ninty-nine. Nine-twenty-four AM.
Hello world! What mess am I gonna make out of this?
Fuck, think I'm pushing it here with this '18 letters' thing.
My imagination ran out after the first three.
QUIZ TIME. "7" Is this the:
a) number of people you have made out with
b) your favourite number minus three
c) the age you found yourself
d) the minimum number of shots you intend to take tomorrow
Dear 18-year-old Zoe,
Don't do something stupid.
Stay away from foreseen regret.
I trust you.
To be honest, may the odds actually be ever in your favour. (I'm not even a hunger games fan but I just had a *hits blunt* moment)
Be proud of yourself.
You've done a shit load of stuff during your 'childhood' and 'adolescence.'
Been to some amazing places. Seen things of divinity, felt things of sublimity.
On a serious note, you are very lucky.
Remember that time you had too many weed brownies and the devil tried to rip your heart out of your knee caps? Me too. But you're okay now right? lmao
Four more to go. Let's see.
Sleeping is one of the most beautiful things we do. We just lie down on these platforms when we're tired, close our eyes and create funny/sad/disturbing and frightful images in our heads until we open our eyes again. How cute! Make sure you get enough sleep during your 18th year. You've survived your whole life without bags under your eyes. Let's not start now yeah?
Shit, my diary is running out of space. Look back on this with fondness.
These are the ins and outs. The '411s'. The borings and the randoms. THIS IS YOUR LIFE.
Should you show this to your children? You'd probably have to have a talk with them first.
Was gonna get all serious then thought I better not. I'm tired and don't articulate well when I'm tired. I've been writing for twenty minutes.
Almost there. These are really just ramblings.
Try not to ramble too much in your 18th year Zoe. Your life is at stake here.
Fina-fucking-lly. I guess if I had to give you some words of wisdom, this would be it:
- Talk less, do more
- Stretch, close your eyes and breathe more
- Don't be afraid to cry (not that you ever are)
- Don't be afraid not to work when you know you're too tired
- Never drink too much
- Be kind to yourself and confident about yourself. Be nice to others.
- YOU CAN DO IT
- Care less
- Know when you need to relax and know when you need to WORK
- Get some sleep
so. I guess I have to just get on with it now? Ha! I don't feel grown up. I feel forced to grow and take responsibility, but my inner self is shyly slipping out of this adult skin, trying to get away. I hope everyone's doing well. Look at my musing for this month!! In this time we need to just push forward. Here's a lil mood board to show my recent moods/feelings. Kinda festive + funky, but something melancholy and introspective. I wonder if i've changed in a years time. here's me talking about being 17. Life is so weird.